Top Ten Cool Things About Being a Supreme Court Justice

(my entries for this week's David Letterman Top Ten Contest)

10. Now that you are one of the Supremes, Diana Ross will return your phone calls.
    
    
9. Can have the Death Penalty invoked for anyone taking your parking space
   
   
8. Supreme Gavel grants secret Supreme Super Powers
   
   
7. Well placed vents in Supreme Court provide refreshing breeze up Supreme Court robe.
   
   
6. Job for life man… TIME TO SLACK OFF!
   
   
5. Totally makes up for always getting picked last for team sports all through school
   
   
4. Sentencing Jimmy Weingert to life for wedgies he administered to you in Jr. High.
   
   
3. Realizes High School Yearbook prediction of: “Most likely to make life and death decisions for millions”
   
   
2. One step closer to being Super-Duper-Extreme-Ultimate Court Justice
   
   And The Number One Cool Thing About Being a Supreme Court Justice
   
   
1. Meting out Supreme Justice… with your bare hands!
   
   Top Ten Cool Things About Being a Supreme Court Justice
   Extras
   
   
11. Righting wrongs and fighting injustice… just kidding, it’s about making your politically selected extreme views the law of the land!
    
    
12. Prelude to “Nah nah n’nah nah” session with mother-in-law who predicted you’d never amount to anything.
    
    
13. No goddamn higher court is going to reverse a decision of yours again… EVER!
    

Addendum August 10, 2005
David Letterman Official Winners
Top Ten Cool Things About Being a Supreme Court Justice

10. Always get invited to the Bush twins' keggers
    William V., Brooklyn Park, MN
    
    
9. Taco Bell automatically upgrades your tacos to Taco Supremes
   Mike K., Overland Park, KS
   
   
8. All of the babes who want to "handle your briefs"
   Bruce C., Belmont, CA
   
   
7. That gavel can really tenderize meat
   Paul C., Norton, MA
   
   
6. Judging wet t-shirt contests on the weekend
   Jim W., Hopkins, SC
   
   
5. Parking ticket? Yeah! Right!
   Karey C., Lakeland, FL
   
   
4. Standing over subway grates make for cool "Marilyn Monroe" moments
   Dave F., Plainview, NY
   
   
3. Direct access to Judge Judy, just in case you can't decide
   Mike S., Depew, NY
   
   
2. Ruth Bader Ginsburg's kick-ass NASCAR parties
   Dave G., Harrisburg, PA
   
   
1. Black robe: Mandatory. Pants: Optional.
   Mike W., Penfield, NY