Top Ten Signs You're Not One of the Most Powerful Celebrities

(my entries for this week's David Letterman Top Ten Contest)

10. Can’t get a table at McDonalds on a slow day
    
9. Most prized award is: Best “I’m not a Doctor” in a 60 second ad
   
8. You’ve just starred in an ad for a law firm and they're suing you for making lawyers look bad
   
7. Credits for last movie list you as: Some Guy played by Some Guy
   
6. SAG keeps offering to refund your startup fee and all dues ever paid
   
5. SAG keeps sending you letters about exciting opportunities in non-SAG projects
   
4. The only role you’ve been offered the last year is for a bit part in G2: Gigli vs. Glitter
   
3. Unable to leap small children in a single bound
   
2. Have never been invited to a Democratic fundraiser
   
1. The only Star with your name on it is a Carl’s Jr. hamburger wrapper you signed for someone that mistook you for Bill Pullman.
   

Addendum -- June 28, 2005
Official Late Show Winners
Top Ten Signs You're Not One of the Most Powerful Celebrities

10. You throw a phone at a hotel employee and nobody cares
    Bob S., Wellsville, NY
    
9. Your last TV appearance was on "Judge Joe Brown" over a $73.41 phone bill
   Leo F., U.S., Navy
   
8. Your "star" on the Hollywood Walk of Fame is really a manhole cover
   Kevin M., Jacksonville, FL
   
7. "Dancing with the Stars" won't return your phone calls
   Jim W., Columbia, SC
   
6. "CSI" only calls when they need a dead body
   James C., Princeton, IL
   
5. You have absolutely no connection whatsoever with Kevin Bacon
   Ken H., Lancaster, PA
   
4. You lost a movie role after Robert Blake got acquitted and became available
   Todd G., Freeport, NY
   
3. Instead of jumping on Oprah's couch, you search for spare change in the cushions
   Carl D., Atlanta, GA
   
2. Last name: Pitt. First name: Phil.
   Tyler S., Fargo, ND
   
1. After committing a crime, you are actually convicted
   Anita S., Alexandria, KY