First Contact
A Short (Shaggy Dog) Story by Larry Calmer


As so often happens, one great discovery leads to another. Within a year of perfecting Faster-Than-Light travel, "First Contact" was made. Perhaps Humanity has a greater than average curiosity among sentient beings, perhaps we are driven to explore, but it was definitely Mankind that discovered the Superiums, not visa versa.

These strange 11-eyed, 11-armed, 11-mouthed beings, were more than a little surprised when Intrepid One appeared in their system. Despite their startlement, they seemed to greet their Earth origined visitors with little enthusiasm if not down right disdain. After a year of contact their haughty demeanor was undiminished, even with translation now possible from the major Superium languages to the major Earth languages. In fact, it was Earth made computers that first broke the language barrier and allowed true communication, at which point representatives of the Superium droned on incessantly about the greatness of their society and how they had discovered Faster than Light travel a full decade before humans, although there was scant evidence that they had done much with the discovery. Exacerbating human irritation with Superium bravado was the discovery that the Superium had been visited by another space fairing race, the Xlinx, two decades before humans, and that their Faster than Light program no doubt grew out of observations of the Xlinx Faster than Light Drive.

Determined to expand their sphere of influence, and to no doubt find another race more interested in a frank exchange of ideas than the Superium, Humans scowered the nearest 100 systems for signs of the Xlinx. None was Found. The scope expanded. The nearest 1000 systems with possibly habitable systems where visited. 2 primitive societies were uncovered but no sign of the Xlinx. Ultra-Faster-Than-Light Travel was perfected and the Galaxy was searched from edge to edge. Finally, hundreds of other sentient societies later, the Xlinx were discovered on the opposite end of the galaxy. All during this time, Humanity had maintained contact with the Superium, keeping them appraised of Earth's exploration progress and efforts, all of which seem to have not the slightest effect in diminishing the Superium's haughty attitude. Ambassador after ambassador resigned their post on Superium Prime, after being treated like some kind of slow, deficient child.

Having conquered vast Galactic distances, and having found the Xlinx, Humanity was certain the Superium would now have to give Mankind recognition as Equals.

"It will be of no use" squeaked Xlanix, first Primerium among Xlinx Sects, to the human representatives. "Superium will no more admit to your equality than ours those forty years ago"

"And why would that be?", inquired the head of Earth's delegation.

"Well look at us, we too have but one mouth, in Superium eyes we both have A Ten Chin Deficit Disorder."