Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Missing Pages
I miss you. I miss you and you’ll never know. Maybe if I’d made a few different decisions in my life we’d still be together. Maybe you were my one and only true love. It has literally been a lifetime since I've known unquestioning love. Years and years and years have gone by and I’ve stayed out of your life. Not because I wanted to, but because it is what you asked for. What is your life like now? Are you better off having left me, having called off our engagement? I can’t blame you for backing out, you were young, I was young. Do you ever wonder how I ended up, who I ended up with, if anyone? Of course I wonder about you. Why has so much time gone by and I still haven’t met someone, anyone that has made me feel the way you did.
Of course if I hadn’t lost you maybe I wouldn’t deserve you. I was self absorbed and overly conceited in those days. I cared more for where I was going than where we were going together. I tried to win you back with guilt and when that didn’t work I made your life a living hell with my please-please-please take me back routine.
I told you you would never find anyone that would love you as much as I did. Wow what a self-pitying and concieted way to express my grief at loosing you. It would only have been a small difference, but I wish I had said I didn’t think I would ever find someone I could love as much as I loved you. You would have assured me I was mistaken – but so far you would have been wrong.
Maybe you were just out of my league. Our two years together brought about by the isolation of the small town you grew up in. But then I joined the Marines and you went off to college. You discovered the world was a much bigger place than your hometown of 250 people. Maybe you discovered your earlier infatuation with me was just a teenage crush on a Roller Rink DJ.
My life feels like an unfinished book without you. A tattered book you go to read, but then find the last chapter is missing.
Will I ever find the missing pages?
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Sorry for the sappy downer of a post tonight folks -- it won’t happen again, at least not for a decade or two.
I really should hit the delete button.
